The Seattle Satans
What's up with the names we give sports teams? Some just make sense, others don't. Take the Dolphins, for example. They do in fact frolic off the coast of Miami. Cool. But other names make little sense, especially after teams move to a new city. How many Mormons have you seen lately jamming on a sax? And yet we have the Utah Jazz of the NBA.
Our society generally selects names that reflect our values. We don't have the St. Louis Slugs or the Denver Dung Beetles to cheer for. However, some values are underrepresented. Take technology for example. What about changing the Phillies to the Philadelphia Faxers (or Phaxers?). That would be a tribute to human progress. Nobody knows what a Phillie is anyway. And how about the Miami Modems instead of the Miami Heat? Imagine Kobe Bryant of the Lakers squaring up for a foul shot as 20,000 Miami fans “log on” in their loudest modem imitation. Kind of begs the question, “What would Jesus Do?,” but I’ll move on.
Along with technology, primates also get short changed. Think about it. We have teams named after cubs, sharks, marlins, timberwolves, bulldogs, and cats of all stripes. But do we have any tributes to humankind’s closest cousin? I mean no disrespect to the packing industry, but wouldn’t the Green Bay Gorillas be a more intimidating mascot than the "Packers"? I can see it now--a 90-foot tall King Kong-like creature pounding its chest in the end zone after each touchdown. Much cooler than filling another tin can with sardines, isn't it? You know it is. Or what about Curt Schilling taking the mound for the Boston Baboons?
I have one more suggestion to spice up modern sports: I propose changing the name of the Seattle Seahawks to the Seattle Satans. Picture this: A lake of fire smoldering away just beyond the end zones. After each Satanic score, cheerleaders toss an effigy of the opposing team into this pit of hell. Granted, there are PC issues that need to be resolved for home games against Washington and Kansas City. And, PETA would get their dander up regarding most other mascots. When it comes down to it, though, this proposal isn't likely to gain traction until hell freezes over. But then again, we are talking about Seattle in January.
Our society generally selects names that reflect our values. We don't have the St. Louis Slugs or the Denver Dung Beetles to cheer for. However, some values are underrepresented. Take technology for example. What about changing the Phillies to the Philadelphia Faxers (or Phaxers?). That would be a tribute to human progress. Nobody knows what a Phillie is anyway. And how about the Miami Modems instead of the Miami Heat? Imagine Kobe Bryant of the Lakers squaring up for a foul shot as 20,000 Miami fans “log on” in their loudest modem imitation. Kind of begs the question, “What would Jesus Do?,” but I’ll move on.
Along with technology, primates also get short changed. Think about it. We have teams named after cubs, sharks, marlins, timberwolves, bulldogs, and cats of all stripes. But do we have any tributes to humankind’s closest cousin? I mean no disrespect to the packing industry, but wouldn’t the Green Bay Gorillas be a more intimidating mascot than the "Packers"? I can see it now--a 90-foot tall King Kong-like creature pounding its chest in the end zone after each touchdown. Much cooler than filling another tin can with sardines, isn't it? You know it is. Or what about Curt Schilling taking the mound for the Boston Baboons?
I have one more suggestion to spice up modern sports: I propose changing the name of the Seattle Seahawks to the Seattle Satans. Picture this: A lake of fire smoldering away just beyond the end zones. After each Satanic score, cheerleaders toss an effigy of the opposing team into this pit of hell. Granted, there are PC issues that need to be resolved for home games against Washington and Kansas City. And, PETA would get their dander up regarding most other mascots. When it comes down to it, though, this proposal isn't likely to gain traction until hell freezes over. But then again, we are talking about Seattle in January.
posted by Raul Mosley at
9:33 AM
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2 Comments
